Sunday, 11 November 2012

"Don't you want a girl?"

Short answer: No.

Long answer: I used to.

It's funny how the questions people ask Mums change as the baby gets bigger. When the baby is new all people want to know about is how they sleep. Once your baby gets to be about 1.5-2 people think you start getting broody again and are thinking about having another. I suppose with your first a lot of people do feel the need to try again as your baby approaches its second birthday. This is obviously based on our experience, as Noah was a month shy of 2 when we conceived Benjamin.

I honestly thought Noah was a girl. We had decided she would be called Isabelle. Or Bella. {Before the days of Twilight, I hasten to add} At 20 weeks we found out Isabelle was actually a boy. The shock took about 24 hours to wear off. My initial "a BOY? Really?" turned in to genuine excitement. When I was pregnant with Benjamin I really wanted a girl. Obviously I wanted the baby to be healthy, but I wanted a girl. I convinced myself because my pregnancy was so different to Noah's I was having a girl.

20 week scan and we asked if we could find out the flavour. "I think I can see boy bits" said the lady doing the scan. My heart sank. A week before this I had been diagnosed with severe Ante-natal depression. This news did not help at all. In fact I remember texting my mother-in-law with these exact words "it's another bloody boy". I felt cheated. I was grieving for the baby I had imagined him to be, I was grieving for the mother-daughter relationship I would never know. I would never buy dresses or play dolls. My mother-in-law couldn't understand what I was feeling, she had one of each. Honestly it took me weeks to adjust to the news that I was having another boy. I knew we would probably only do this twice, so one of each would have been the icing on the cake. I found myself thinking, "well X had one of each, how come it didn't happen for me?" Although I knew the biology behind how these things work, I felt it unfair.

Benjamin has been with us 18 months now, and for all the money in the world, I would not wish him to be a girl. Ever. Having two boys is so much fun. It's totally exhausting, but it's wonderful. I love the mother-son relationship. I love that my boys are so loving towards me. I'm not saying if I had had a girl it wouldn't have been the same, it may have been, but seeing my niece she seems much less cuddly than Ben is, and my sister has said often how much harder it has been to parent the boo compared to Alfie.

Yesterday after food shopping we had to stop at a crossing to let a mother and her (terribly dressed & heavily made up) teenage daughter cross. Tim and I both said simultaneously, " I'm glad we won't have to deal with teenage girls". We both agreed that we didn't think we could deal with a teenage daughter and all that would entail; the clothes/make up/boys etc..the hormones, oh my goodness teenage girl hormones. I grew up with a sister and we lived with our Mum. Our cycles seemed to synchronise, 3 women with PMT at the same time? Hideous, I don't think Tim would cope if he had to deal with another set of female hormones added to mine;)

I'm sure it's just as wonderful to parent a little girl as it is a little boy. And if I had had two girls I'm sure people would be asking if I would try for a boy, and I would feel exactly the same about my girls as I do my boys. But for anyone else who feels that they need to ask if we are going to try again for a girl; the answer is no.

Why would we want to? I'm too scared to roll the dice again. Who says we would get a girl even if we did? Where do you stop? We have 2 perfect, healthy, happy little boys. We are beyond thankful for them, as hard as it is on a day to day basis, we couldn't imagine our life without this blue chaos;)


1 comment:

  1. Lovely post Aly. Noel was a girl for 12 weeks of my pregnancy, after a bad call from the sonographer! I had all the pink clothes & dreams of ballet glasses! when we saw his little boy bits I admit I was disappointed & remember crying but when I saw my gorgeous boy I felt so lucky as I do believe boys are cooler & love that mom/son relationship, i couldn't wait for those goal posts in our garden, ur defo right about the teenage years too. Now I would love to be a mommy of just boys & wish people wouldn't assume all women want is a little girl esp if they already have a boy! Lucy xx


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