I've never really been interested in fashion, and I certainly would never label myself "fashionable" or "on trend". In my younger years, nights out to clubs such as Stoodi Bakers or the such would fill me with dread as I could not pull off the right look. Even now I dread an evening out as I know I have literally nothing in my wardrobe that looks nice on me, or vaguely recent. I always want to look nice, but this is in clothes that I am comfortable in rather than what a glossy magazine says I should be wearing. I can count the occasions I have worn make-up on two hands - the most notable day being my wedding day. I have had my hair the same - long and straight since I was 17, never changing except once when I went from a middle parting to a side parting and had a fringe cut in, and it has been the same colour my entire life with the odd exception of highlights. Boring!
But since the birth of Benjamin my confidence with the way I look has hit an all time low. Clothes I was once comfortable in now longer feel the same, and they certainly do not make me feel nice or good about myself. I am still in maternity t-shirts 4 months after his birth, but this is due to bigger boobs because I am breastfeeding rather than not losing baby weight (although the weight seems to be creeping on again). I have always been a jeans and t-shirt girl, preferring the surf girl look rather than Top Shop.
But now the clothes that used to make me feel comfortable make me feel frumpy. I have zero time to make my hair look nice, rather than drying and straightening like I used to, it gets washed and pulled back into a scruffy bun and left to dry like that. I would love to be able to make my hair look nice but with minimal effort. I like the beech look - lose curls, but I can't even manage that without feeling like I look like I have tried but failed miserably.
A trip to Merry Hill on Sunday for new clothes left me feeling even worse about myself. I went into New Look, H&M and Top Shop, and did not see one t-shirt I liked, or any top that I could wear with my leggings, that looked a) long enough b) comfy c) nice, but most importantly offering easy access for breastfeeding. The trip wasn't helped by the fact that I was shopping with a husband who really is not that into shopping and two small children.
Today I shall try again, as I am sick of wearing the same 4 t-shirts in rotation. But in reality, it is going to take much more than a few new items of clothing to lift my confidence. I just wish I knew what will.