Hated every second of my first day back! School staff were un-professional. I got there at 830 it was 850 before teacher came to tell me what work she had left. This coincided with the children arriving in class! Kids were not the smartest I have ever met, and most couldn't even count in twos! I got lumbered with playground duty at break and at lunch I sat in the classroom all on my own crying. The afternoon didn't get any better again it was only 10 mins before class that i got my work .And it was totally unsuitable for a year 1 class. I wasn't told who the special ed kids were so did practically everything for a lot of them. Just felt really like I was dropped in it! I don't like being in a classroom and being unprepared, it makes me feel out of control!
I missed Noah so much it physically hurt. I was like a robot going though the motions, nothing meant anything and tbh, I didnt care about the work the kids were doing, or if it was rubbish. I just wanted it to be 3 so i could leave. I know on supply it's different from having your own class as you don't have the rapport or interest in the kids but I think today has just shown me primary school is not where I am meant to be!
I have emailled my agency to tell them I am unavailible until a week Thursday as have too much uni work which is true but I really should work.
I know I have had a massive maternity leave but return to real life is so hard and I hate it. It's messed up in my eyes to pay someone to look after my child so I can look after other peoples kids. Before I got pregnant I was adament being a full time stay at home mum would drive me insane. Once I had Noah I decided I wanted to be at home, so extended my leave. Then my job ended and I had no choice but to be at home, and I was desperate to get back out there, to be Al again and not just Mummy. Now I'm not so sure. I know bills have to be paid but I can't help but think I wish I could still be at home. At least I know I can only do two days a week max due to transport issues and up and down for Noah's treatment.
Noah screamed when I collected him from nursery, although they did say he hadn't cried all afternoon and had enjoyed going to see the steam trains at the station. The three hours I got to spend with him today were lovely. After dinner, the three of us walked( well Noah walked some, but mostly daddy played Sherpa) over to the golf course to hunt for frogs at the lake. The second we got in Noah declared it "ba" time - bath time to you and me and up the stairs he went! I am really looking forward to the rest of my week off with him:)